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Helping kids cope with the death of a loved one

It is an unfortunate thing, that death is apart of everyone's life. Death doesn't seem to keep track of age, or health of someone who is young. As parents, we try to shield our children from the grief of loss. However this cannot always be done, when someone close to the child passes. Whether it be the death of a grandparent, parent, sibling, or friend the child will have learn this harsh life lesson. While the knowledge about death will depend greatly on the age of a child, it is important to remember that you should be honest with your child. You should always encourage questions; I know that this is a hard thing to teach your children but it is important. You will need to create an atmosphere that breeds comfort, and openness that will allow your child to open up about their feelings.


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However, if you find that you are unable to muster up the conversation; there are many resources that are available to you. From books, counselors, family and friends there are many means that can help to provide guidance for you, and your child. If you put forth the effort, even before the time a death strikes those most dear and near, it will aid you in getting your child through the difficult time in their life.

How do you explain death to a child? Well, that will all depend on the age of your child and your child's capacity to understand death, and the approach taken to discuss it. Every child will require different tactics, however there are a few guidelines that you can follow to help ease this conversation. When children are under the age of six, it is important to remember that they view their world in a literal sense. It is a good idea to embrace this, and give them the basic and concrete facts on life and death. IE: If the child has lost a grandparent you may want to try explaining; that the person's body isn't working anymore like it should, and that the doctors weren't able to fix it. However, in the event that a death occurs suddenly such as in a tragic car accident, you may wish to explain what happened in the sad event; and why the body stopped working. (You should steer clear of graphic terms, such as blood loss etc). While a child who is this young cannot properly comprehend, why someone that was near and dear is no longer coming to visit they tend to cope fairly quickly. You may be asked questions, about why that person is no longer around. I know that you are experiencing grief as well, but it is important to keep your composure; and calmly reiterate that the person has died and cannot come back. Although it is a common mistake, but you should try to avoid using terms such as "went away" or "went to sleep", as this may cause problems or fear in your child about sleeping, or whenever someone goes away.

While younger children may have questions, it is important not to leave your teenager in the dust. Teenagers tend to have an understanding about death, that is far greater than a child from one to eleven years of age; however they may begin to think about their own mortality in the process. If your teenager's friend passes in a car accident, your child may be reluctant to get behind the wheel, or even ride in a car for some time. It is important to empathize about what they are feeling, and reassure them that there are ways to stay safe and healthy. Such as never getting into a car with someone who has been consuming alcohol. Lastly, it is important to help your child mourn the loss of their friend or relative. If they wish to be alone, gladly accept this with an open invitation to talk when they are ready .

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